For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
