She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
