I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
