I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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