Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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