Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
