I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
