I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
