I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
