mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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