No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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