you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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