the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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