Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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