So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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