it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
