the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
