There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
