I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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