i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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