my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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