And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
