franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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