Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize