I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
