my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
