Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
