Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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