I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
