Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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