i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i will never coherently bang her
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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