Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
