Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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