It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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