I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
