I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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