so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
