guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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