Yo dont text me then not text me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
