Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize