She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
