There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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