I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We need a shit load of segways right now
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I believe in your delicious
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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