Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
