I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
