i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
