I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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