the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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