How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
