what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
