it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
