Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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