You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize