I heard we made out
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You've changed since you got that strap on
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize