this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This toilet bowl is my home.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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