so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
