2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
