right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
