we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
