I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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