she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
