It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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