just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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